When Max isn’t conquering continents, he moonlights as a pac-man impersonator for birthday parties. Max was originally blond, but dyed himself black to fit the part. This was before he learned that dogs were color-blind. Max does not get hired very often.
The first time I met Mowgli was on a rainy day in October, 1878. I was sitting in a pub in Bristol drinking away my life when he came up and sat beside me . “Grmplgrug” he mumbled in a thick Lancashire accent. “Excuse me?” I asked. “Grmplygrmply,” he replied. In that instant, I knew what I was meant to do with my life. I stood up, knocking over my glass of mead and ran out the door. I didn’t stop running for 5 days. “Grmplygrmply” “Grmplygrmply” “Grmplygrmply” ringing in my head. I ran faster and farther than I had ever run before. I only went about two miles though because I kept turning back thinking I had forgotten something at the bar.
After 5 days of running mostly in circles I was exhausted and delirious. My shoes were in taters and I had left my satchel of doubloons in the bar. Forgetting what Mowgli had told me I decided to enlist in the army. Little did I know that I would be shipped to South Africa at the beginning of the Anglo-Zulu War…
TO BE CONTINUED
CPOMP would like to thank Bridget for donating these rare candid pictures of Mowgli Wowgli.
It’s a lazy day on the estate for Maximus K. Dogg. Interesting fact, the horse in Tangled was named after Maximus. The OGO had many horses on his ranch in Nevada; it’s rumored he bred them hoping to find the next Seabiscuit. However, the OGO did not ride horses, he had an army of Jockeys at his disposal. These Jockeys later made up the bulk his invasion force. But you guys knew that already.
Part yeti and part cat, the Lucy spends her days chasing shadows and fighting feet and her nights sipping sangrias on the beaches of Maui. A playgirl at heart, the Lucy is commonly accepted as the predecessor and role model of Marilyn Monroe, Joan Holloway, and Megan Ellison. Combining a brash country girl attitude with exotic looks, the Lucy has taken the world by storm countless times in the last sixty years. Outside of an isolated case of the sillies (shown in the video above) the Lucy never gets sick or tired. Order your Lucy today at www.amazon.com
On October fifth of the Third Year of Our Glorious Overlord, Maximus K. Dogg was stripped of his title and sent to live in the hamlet of Montrose, New York. A phallanx of three chess grandmasters escorted the Once Glorious Overlord out of his palace in Sri Lanka at 11:02 AM. Following a long drive to the nearest airport, the OGO boarded a flight to Newark. DJ Pauly D, his only remaining friend, picked him up and chauffeured him to his final home. Reporters were unable to reach the OGO for comment, but believe him to be overcome with grief and regret as seen in the above picture. What will happen to the OGO as the world moves on? Will he remain in Montrose? Will he continue his writing? We may never know.
They are watching. The Three Kittens of Valhalla gaze upon the currents of time and life for all eternity. Never blinking, never looking away, well except for Hobbes. He saw some dinner and was all like “Yo that kitty food looks TASTY, screw attending to time. I iz hungee.” Before realizing his mistake, Hobbes was cast out of Asgard and became a media monitor on an Australian show called Wilfred. It lasted for two seasons before an American remake was commissioned. Hobbes was not asked to continue on the show.
Queen Baby, despite having the face of a beloved matriarch, is merciless in her pursuit of din din. Like a tornado powered by PCP, Baby has been known to destroy skyscrapers while waiting for a meal. WATCH OUT!
Before us is Queen Baby of the Bigelow dynasty. With her orange fur and her controlling stare she is the unquestioned matron of the Vermont aristocracy. Queen Baby has her paws in everything from Vermont fashion to Vermont maple and even Vermont off-shore drilling. Despite her high profile, many things about Baby’s past remain a mystery. The only things we know for certain are to never cross her and she’s Jewish.
Everyone here at CPOMP would like to thank Zak for this rare candid picture of Baby.