It’s really sad when cats have nightmares. It’s even worse when normal people have nightmares from their cats. Joey and I were talking yesterday while doing laundry and he told me about this crazy dream he keeps having. In it, he’s on The Biggest Loser and every week, the contestants need to eat the person who has lost the least weight. Every week Joey eats the most of that person. After about 4 weeks and 4 rivals in his stomach, Joey starts to realize that what they are doing is wrong even though they all signed waivers before signing up. In an act of defiance Joey decides to escape from the Biggest Loser ranch and start a new life in Mexico as a real estate salesman. Joey successfully breaks out of the prison-like workout center and is about to cross the border when he notices that everyone around him are talking lizards. They aren’t anthropomorphisized or anything, just normal lizards crawling on the ground trying to make English language sounds. Because they don’t have lips and have weird faces, they can’t say much and the only intelligible word Joey hears is “heeeeeeeeeeero, heeeeeeeeeero.” Realizing that talking lizards now inhabited the Earth and were leaderless and directionless, Joey answers their call and becomes the Hero of the Lizards.
At this point in the story, I called bullshit and Joey admitted to making up the end. In reality (or in the dreamworld, whatever), the lizards eat him as soon as he gets away from the Biggest Loser and he’s reborn a lizard-kitten 10 years later.